21 June

Called Xin rou and wish her n CO all the best for the competition.
I know they have practices all day.
So i just called on the Sunday.
I think she will be free, haha.

Oh, I chat with my jue sister last night. MSN
Missed her so much.
Finally i get the chance to talk to her for a bit longer time.
She is busy and they have competition next week, so...
hahaha... here's the chance.
hahaha.. She promised she will cook for me when i come back, and i promised i will come back to Penang four years later.
Cool right?
I love her so much.
I used the tumbler she gave me everyday and the mug that we have our face printed on it too.
I really miss her a lot.
She is my best sister, except my REAL sister. haha
They are the best that i ever had!

I was waiting for my parents to online from 2200 until 0200.
They said they gonna on the web cam when they are having lunch together at Kim Gary.
But not even one of them shown up.
I tried to sms but i don't know why it doesn't work.
Every message $0.50-$1.0 (dollars), it depends on the length.
They didn't received my sms but the the phone charged for that.
I sent about twenty sms..
To: Hui Xian (I miss her), Wendy(I wanted to talk to her), My mum (we have appointment), My dad (wish him HFD) , my sister (asking her why didn't online), Kim Chong (wish him HBD), Wei Chun (Due to some reasons).
But no replies, because they didn't even received it.
Then i waited for the whole night, because of the FATHER'S day.
I thought they will sms me and asked me to on my computer and we chat.
But NO.
I am getting mad and i was like i can just go to sleep but i wanted to wish him happy Father's Day.

I woke up late as i sleep at 0500.
I have my cellphone with me for the whole night just to wait for their messages.
I'm having a headache and i felt so tired.
Then i start sms again at 0330. To these people.
But still no reply.
Haiz.. I don't know what happen to my phone.

There's a message from my dad this morning.
Weird message. Oh, again!
He used to say that to us when i was at home too.
But it really made me cried.
I just... I don't want to know how bad are we.
I don't want to know how good you're to your parents.
I don't want to know that like you can't live any longer or what. (rediculuos)
I don't want to listen to that again.
WE must live happily!! Not saying all these things everyday.
Not that i don't love you, but sometimes you make me feel like you're annoying.
You never feel proud of us, i am always so dumb and bad.
I don't think i am mean to you as i always respect you although i don't really like the way you talked to us.
I don't think i am a good daughter but i try to listen to what you said, be nice.
It just hurting me when you said all that kind of stuffs!
You're making me sad and i don't like this.

And there's one thing that i can't stand with.
You HURT my mum, someone i loved!
Why doing all this? Huh..
Now I don't know how to act around my dad.
After hearing all the nasty details from my sister and thinking back on what he'd done, I am very mad and the level of respect I had for him has gone down to basically 0.
I didn't want to just listen from one side, and judge on what i have heard.
But this is not the first time, and.... HE NEVER EXPLAIN!!
I don't know! I just.. tired ...
When my mum suffers, i cried. I love her so much and i just want her to be happy.

I didn't know what can I do for her.
Well, she kept all these away from me as she wanted me to concentrate on my studies.
But i actually know whats happenning.
I know I can't help but it just ...
I wished I can be there for her, at least listen to her when she's sad.

I never want this to be public, it is ambarrasing.
But i just don't want to lie here and pretend that i am happy.
I hope you guys who saw these, please don't say a word to others.
I wanted this to be PRIVATE. Thanks!

I talked to wendy and hui xian this morning.
I am glad they are there for me.
Otherwise i will be crying mad alone in my room.
Thanks besties.

Back to my life here.
Umm.. Nothing special. And i didn't see any of the twins today.
Umm.. I am just not in the mood today.
i supposed to finish reading my 40 pages article, but i can't do it.
I can't do anything when i have something in my mind.
I have to have a clear mind to start reading.
I wanna watch movie now! That's all I want for now.

That's for today too. STRESSED OUT!